wa7 3,3

Dear comrades, I am here to inform you of a very imminent danger. Something you always knew would come, something you’ve even probably looked forward to, but you never knew that it would be like this. I’m talking about graduation. That’s right; the very thing you’ve worked your whole life to accomplish is actually a threat to the very fabric of your lives.


You may believe some common misconceptions so allow me now to clear them up. You do in fact have to get a job, and in some cases you might need two. To truly get ahead often internships are necessary, internships that do not pay. In the real world words such as brah, bro, dude, dawg, ya boi, brotha, and homie are simply not acceptable and will not garner responses. Some adequate substitutions are sir, and well… that’s about it.


It’s not all popped collars and pastel colored polo’s out there, often it’s nothing but neckties and beige oxford shirts. Flip flops are in no way shape or form allowed in the office, even on casual Friday’s. Family Guy references that are hilariously inappropriate in the Frat House are just inappropriate in the post-grad world. That’s What She Said is actually evidence for sexual harassment law suits, so refrain from this joke at all times.


Work is a 9-5 event that cannot be skipped, because there are no exams so you cannot pay for the answers. Most video gaming equipment is banned in the workplace and offices have recently figured out how to block websites such as World of Warcraft and Myspace from there computers, so good luck playing endless amounts of solitaire to pass the time. When showing up at high school parties you will no longer be the mysterious college boy, you’ll be a creepy old man, and the police are likely to be called.


Remember that graduation trip to Europe where you are your boys are going to back pack up and down the coast, but in reality you’ll actually be staying in fancy hotels and trashing them? Your parents will not cover this fee, and if not paid for legal action will be taken. On the topic of your parents, don’t think that going home for a while “just until you get back on your feet” will work; chances are your room has already been converted into an office/gym.


Now brothers I don’t tell you this to make you feel hopeless and doomed, there is an answer. I recommend spacing out your classes and necessary credits intelligently, I’d say one class a semester will suffice. I’d also advise you to change your major a couple times; no one will blame you for being a little confused. But even when you’ve pulled out all the stops and it seems that graduation is inevitable, remember this: you can always go to grad school.