Every thing is going according to plan. My ex is probably killing himself right now for letting me go. But that’s what he gets. After 7 years, a marriage is the only logical thing to happen. So for our 7th year anniversary what else would he give me but my diamond ring? Try a set of wine glasses. His defense was that I’d been telling him how much I wanted them, and they cost a fortune. What a sinister man, absolutely evil. He kept me in a relationship for 7 years, that he knew all along had no potential to grow into anything. So what better revenge than to get married to the richest man I could find. I bet he’s squirming like a squashed but right now, letting a catch like me get away, what an idiot. And the best part? The wine glass (singular since the other three I threw at his head. Ha!) he so “sweetly” gave to me will be stomped on at the wedding!
“Time to get married” My father yells into my dressing room.
I walk out and take my father arm and we head to the ceremony, the wedding procession goes out. Finally it’s my turn, the music peaks. Out I walk and sashay to my fiancé, this couldn’t be better. It’s all happening so perfectly and, ew why is he so slimy? Is he sweating? Great. Is he trying to mouth something to me? I love you, ok got it clearly you love me we’re getting married don’t be obnoxious. He slips the ring onto my hand, it’s hideous.
“I do” he says.
“I do” I say.
I do? Why? Oh right the perfect pay back. Is he wearing brown shoes, with a black tuxedo? So he might have horrible taste but he’s also unbearably petulant, and repulsive. Wait that’s not right, he’s rich and not afraid of commitment. Is that fungus in his ear? I feel light headed. My new brother in-law stands up and heads clumsily to the cup. Wait no! Don’t smash it! He’s handing it to the Rabbi; I’m clinging to this glass like it’s my own life. He puts it on the ground…
I have made a horrible mistake.
Smash.
Mazal tov
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